By Maiya Mc Monagle
Embark on an intimate exploration of the personal journey of Tayem Mercer, a distinguished sales coach, visionary leader, and entrepreneur with over a decade of experience. Beyond the accolades and successes lies a profound story of resilience and triumph over mental health challenges. As a seasoned public speaker, Tayem imparts wisdom about his professional development and courageously shares insights into overcoming personal struggles.
In this interview, we unravel the layers of Tayem’s experiences and delve into his journey’s transformative power with an inspiring conversation that transcends the professional realm to illuminate the strength of the human spirit.
Can you share more about your journey, especially the challenges you faced at 18 and how you overcame them?
My battles with what we refer to as “mental health struggles” surfaced around the age of 18 and coincided with the separation of my mother and father, my relationship breakup, and not getting the points I needed for university. From my perspective as an 18-year-old, my father and partner were suddenly gone, and my opportunity to pursue my goal of attending university was gone. I felt as if all my options had disappeared.
That began a series of emotional and mental struggles because I did not know how to address some of what was happening, and although people gave me advice and encouraged me that things would get better, what I felt inside was hugely different. The more I tried to run away from these emotions or tried to suppress them, the stronger they became. It was as though they had increased power and gained control over me.
Waking up day by day and living with these feelings over a pre-longed period led me to consider suicide. I felt like I did not want to be here anymore. I wanted an end to the pain, the despair, the lack of hope, the lack of opportunities, the mundane of every day waking up with no direction and nothing to do. However, now that I am older, I realize how I was feeling as a lack of understanding of my negative emotions and the ability to process the situation or the knowledge of how to deal with it.
What role did sports play in you overcoming those difficulties?
Sports played a huge factor in helping me change my perspective and move forward. I was good at football, and that gave me discipline and motivation. When my older brother and I began to play for the same club, we would train together, talk, and work collectively towards a goal. This and competing with someone gave me a lifeline for making progress, and over time, with prayer and a lot of self-development, changing the routine helped.
I would listen to music, read more books, and listen to motivational content. It helped me shift my mentality from feeling like a victim with no control over everything that happened to one of ownership and realizing that I had to change and make something out of this darkness I found myself in. It did not happen overnight, though; this dark period lasted for many years on and off between 18 & 26.
In your experience, how has the expectation of being a “strong man” without showing emotions affected mental health, and how did you break through that stereotype?
In my experience, it affected me because the stigma I had and the emotions I felt were contradicting. So it left me confused because of my perception of what a man is supposed to be, which, at the time, I thought meant to be strong without showing emotions and that no problem should be too big for them. At the time, I was still a boy at 18, a young adult, not a man.
I felt as though I was broken, and something was wrong with me, “why could I not handle my emotions, and why did I feel so weak when I knew I was not supposed to be?” I would ask myself. Even though that was a wrong way of thinking, that was all I knew, and a lack of knowledge played a huge factor in this way of thinking.’
You have mentioned harnessing negative energy and emotions to push yourself. Can you explain what you mean?
Education in emotional intelligence is something I think we can teach everyone, both young and old. The importance of harnessing negative emotions and our struggles and using them for motivation or seeing them as something of value rather than just negative energy offers a perspective that gives each person more power over their circumstances and realises it is for them, not against them.
Tell us about “The Archive”, what it is, and its role in promoting mental well-being. How did this project come about, and what inspired you to create it?
The Archive is a business consultancy and personal development platform. It is a project that came about while brainstorming with a close friend and exploring ways to add value to the marketplace with our professional and personal skills and experience.
Mental health is a crucial area that impacts all aspects of our lives, both professional and personal, so in every setting and every speaking engagement, I continue to promote the importance of a strong and positive mental state. The more I can talk openly about my experiences and share advice on overcoming, understanding and adapting through the various times of life, the more I can impact people.
Our lines of communication are also open to support anyone who is going through difficulties personally, and I have had multiple people reach out to me who are struggling with their mental health and just needed to speak with someone.’ Reflecting on your journey and advocacy, what are your thoughts on the current state of mental health resources provided by the Irish government, especially concerning men’s mental health?
The country’s resources are scarce, and the Irish government has a big issue to resolve, which is not easy. However, more resources need to be allocated to this field to get better-equipped professionals, training for counsellors, and more support in communities that are heavily impacted by mental health struggles. More training should be introduced into schools and community centres and offered to parents and adults across the country regarding supporting others struggling with mental health issues. Medical resources, such as ease of access to therapy and health care resources, are some of the necessary changes and improvements.
How do cultural factors influence perceptions and conversations around mental health in Communities?
Cultural factors impact people in two ways: positive and negative. In many cultures across the world, there is a negative understanding, lack of education, and the perception of weakness when someone is struggling with mental health issues. So, each culture carries positives, but there is a broader negative regarding our understanding of tough times and mental health challenges. We must change the perception of something wrong with the person and seek more inclusion and support.
In the future, what changes would you like to see on a broader scale to address men’s mental health in Ireland and beyond?
More support systems and men’s groups should gather to discuss these issues and how we are feeling. I would like to see more community-based programs that support mental health integrated with the leaders of the communities and families so that they are better equipped to support and nurture the promotion of resources and positive mental health within their specific communities.
Considering your advocacy and experiences, what advice would you give to young individuals, especially men, who may face similar challenges?
It is all temporary; if you can weather the storm, you will enjoy the brighter days ahead. When you cannot bear the weight of it yourself, speak with someone. Speaking and acknowledging your struggle is a sign of strength and not weakness. We all need a helping hand, and sharing your struggles makes them smaller. Remember, many others may be going through the same hardships.
